Seven Tips for Getting Divorced in Difficult Economic Times

1. Decide what you want. No one can have it all - not in good times, and especially not in bad times. If you want to get divorced and your spouse is unemployed, your house is over-mortgaged, and you're swimming in credit card debt, you can still do it - but you're not going to walk out of the courtroom free of debt and with a nice sized nest egg to start your new life. Thinking otherwise is just not realistic. So before you begin, you need to decide what you really want: to get divorced and start your new life now or to get your finances under control first, which may mean staying married for months (or even years).

2. Explore your options. Regardless of whether you are ready or able to get divorced now, you can still meet with a lawyer and find out what your legal options are. You can meet with an accountant or financial advisor and get a handle on your finances. You can meet with a counselor or therapist and start dealing with your emotions and the relationships you are in. You can start preparing yourself, not only to be ready to get divorced in the future, if that's what you choose to do, but to live a better life in the present.

3. Make a plan for your future. If you want to get divorced, but you can't afford to do it right away, make a plan for improving your situation and moving forward in the future. If money is your issue, you need to find a way to make more and/or spend less. If you are unemployed - get a job. If you work part time, take on more hours. If your mortgage payment is killing you, see if you can either renegotiate the loan, or sell the house. If you need help from a debt specialist, get it. Do what you need to do to put yourself and your family in a financially sound position. When your finances are in better shape, it will be easier to focus on the other issues in your life.

4. Brainstorm creative solutions. Divorce is never easy. Getting divorced in the middle of an economic downturn is even harder. No matter how much you try to juggle your finances, you just may find that you don't have any good choices. In that case, go back to tip #1: decide what you want. Like it or not, your "best" option may be the lesser of many bad ones. If you know what one thing is the most important to you, focus on that and put your other expectations in second place. Then get creative. If you want to get divorced, but your only asset is your house, and it won't sell, then try to come up with Plan B. Maybe you decide to move out of the house, and wait until the market picks up again before requiring your spouse to sell it. Or, maybe you get divorced but continue to live with your spouse as a "roommate" until the house sells. Whatever your situation, if you allow yourself to think of every possible option, you just may come up with a solution to your problem that gets you what you want, although maybe not in exactly the way you wanted it.

5. Have patience. You did't get into the situation you are in now overnight, and you can't expect to get out of it overnight either. Once you've discovered your options and made a plan for your future, you need to give that plan time to unfold. If its going to take 6 months to get your finances in order, but you try to force your divorce through the court system right away, you need to understand that you may get divorced sooner, but your finances will be a mess longer. Rather than trying to force life to give you exactly what you want right now, try putting your plan in place and allowing life to work itself out the way that it will. Your blood pressure will be much more manageable that way and, believe it or not, the net result will probably be just about the same.

6. Stop trying to control everything. If the President of the United States can not control the housing slump, the stock market slide or the unemployment crisis, neither can you. Stressing yourself out about your growing bills or your diminishing retirement account won't change anything. Accept the fact that you can't change the economy, then decide what you are going to do with your life within that economy. If you really want to get divorced, and you're willing to do whatever it takes to do it, then no matter what the economy is doing, you will get divorced. On the other hand, if you decide that you're not willing to make the financial sacrifices that a divorce will require, then stay married. If your spouse wants to get divorced even though it will create a really tough financial situation for you, then find a way to deal with that. Just remember that, in the end, the only one you can control is you.

7. Try to find some happiness right now. When times get tough, people get scared. If your marriage was failing before the economy took a nosedive, you probably aren't feeling any better about it now that credit is tight, and jobs are in jeopardy. Its natural that, on top of being unhappy about your marriage, you're even more afraid of what will happen if you get divorced. Unfortunately, right now, a lot of people are in a bad place. You're not alone. What you need to do is think. Take the time to educate yourself about the law, finances, and your own situation. Then think about what you want to do. Make a plan. Put the plan in place. Then do the best you can to enjoy your life while you work at making your plan a reality. It won't be easy. But life is short. Don't let today slip by while you consume yourself with worrying about tomorrow.

When Happily Ever After Ends
By Karen Covy

Karen’s book shows how to choose the right attorney and how to get through a divorce with sanity, integrity and family relatively intact.

Real-life scenarios provide the reader with a unique perspective not found in other books. Because the book also serves as a legal self-help guide, you’ll get everything you need in one title, not two.
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