How to Survive the Holidays with Your Ex: Seven Tips for Making the Holidays Bright

1. Start planning for the holidays early. If you have any issues with the kids’ holiday schedule and you’re not sure when they will be with you and when they will be with your spouse or former spouse. Don’t wait until Dec 21 to try to sort it out! By then its too late. Get your holiday and school break schedule set up now, and you’ll save yourself a lot of grief and aggravation later.

2. Spread love, not drama. Holidays are important, but they’re not the most important thing in the world. If you your visitation schedule with your kids doesn’t allow them to attend your family’s Christmas celebration and your ex won’t change the schedule, then make your own celebration with the kids at a time when you do have them. Take them to visit your family on another day. Do what you need to make your children’s holidays peaceful and full of joy—even if it means celebrating on a different day or in a different way than you would normally do.

3. Christmas is for kids - It’s not all about you! Focus on making your children happy during the holidays—even if your ex insists on making that difficult. Making your children happy means not involving them in your arguments with your ex. It means sometimes giving in to your ex more than you would like in order to spare your children from the war that will inevitably occur if you insist on having things done your way. Making your children happy also means not making them feel bad about all the parties and the fun they are missing with your family when they are spending time with your ex. Focus on the positive and do what you can to make your kids’ Christmas peaceful and full of love.

4. Live the holiday spirit. Put your own feelings aside and take your kids Christmas shopping so they can get a gift for your spouse/former spouse. Have them send your ex a Christmas card. Make sure they invite your ex to their school holiday celebration (if parents are invited) or other holiday activities. No matter what you think of your ex, s/he is still your child’s parent. Encouraging a good relationship between your child and your ex is not only going to be good for your child, but it may make dealing with your ex in the future just a little bit easier. (If not, at least you will feel better inside…maybe.)

5. Focus on something bigger than yourself. There’s nothing like seeing someone else’s problems to put your own in perspective. The holidays are a time of sharing and of love. Get into the spirit by volunteering at a homeless shelter, or Christmas caroling at a nursing home. Take the kids, too. When you see how hard life is for those less fortunate, the difficulties of your divorce will suddenly seem less overwhelming.

6. Remember that holiday happiness starts at home. Whether you are still going through a divorce, or have been divorced for years, chances are that your holidays will not mirror the Norman Rockwell model we all grew up believing in. Instead of getting angry, or wallowing in self-pity, decide that you are going to enjoy the season and arrange a beautiful holiday for yourself. Throw a party. Decorate your home. Buy yourself a present. Surround yourself with the people you care about, and do things you enjoy. Take the time and make the effort to create the best holiday you can, even if its not the holiday of your dreams.

7. Get back to the basics. Christmas is about love, not money or gifts. Try to give your kids a beautiful holiday experience, without buying them so many things that you have to take out a second mortgage on your home. If, on the other hand, your ex just bought your kids every cool, expensive toy on the market, and your more modest gift pales in comparison, don’t complain to the kids about how poor you are, or how your ex is just trying to buy their love. Focus on what matters. Spend time with your kids. Do something fun for the holidays. Get involved in their holiday activities—even if it means playing the $200 game that your ex just bought them! If you concentrate your energy on having fun and enjoying the season, both you and your kids will have a truly happy holiday.

When Happily Ever After Ends
By Karen Covy

Karen’s book shows how to choose the right attorney and how to get through a divorce with sanity, integrity and family relatively intact.

Real-life scenarios provide the reader with a unique perspective not found in other books. Because the book also serves as a legal self-help guide, you’ll get everything you need in one title, not two.
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